64 Funny quotes that make moments memorable.

The right funny quote always fits the occasion. Who doesn’t like a good laugh?

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Top funny quotes to use everywhere.

Whether you’re giving a card to someone or dreaming up the perfect poster, the right funny quote will make it a memorable gift for anyone who reads it and laughs. Humorous quotes about life and work help us chuckle our way out of stress and monotony.

Funny quotes often have more than one meaning, too. Read between the lines and find the perfect quote (and subtext) to make your next project more fun for you and everyone else.

Funny quotes about life.

Humorous quotes about life can lift us out of a funk and add a touch of lightness to our day. Some funny quotes about life dig into rather deep subjects, but they frame them in a way that all seems simple and fun. Funny life quotes make their way into posters and cards all the time because they apply to all of us.

Browse these funny quotes about life and find the one that hits home with you. A little life perspective can come in an eyebrow-raising laugh. The lighter side of life awaits on the other side of these funny sayings.

I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.”
Bill Watterson
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”
Elbert Hubbard
My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.”

Tina Fey, Bossypants

The autobiography Bossypants by Tina Fey has a ton of great lines that make for hilarious greeting cards.

I’ll have what she’s having.”

Woman in diner, When Harry Met Sally

The character Sally (Meg Ryan) puts on a show in the middle of a diner, and a nearby patron assumes that her emphatic pleasure must have been from whatever Sally had ordered.

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”
Graham Norton
People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.”

Mike Bechtle

This short and funny quote about life is perfect for big and bold posters.

I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.”
Jimmy Kimmel
I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.”

W.C. Fields

This is a life philosophy that a lot of folks can get behind. Put it on a poster and see what people say.

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card-greeting
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funny

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Funny friendship quotes.

There are lots of funny quotes that talk about friendship, making them perfect to give to a pal. Sometimes, the best funny quotes about friendship are the ones that poke fun at the sort of friends you have. Most of these quotes are perfectly suited for the inside of cards so they can be delivered to specific people.

Look at these quippy and memorable funny quotes about friends and pick the one that makes you think of someone special.

When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.’”
Groucho Marx
You’re one of the few people I find tolerable.”

Unattributed

Here's a sarcastic quote that always gets a good laugh. Bet your friends feel the same way too.

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”

Oprah Winfrey

This funny friendship quote defines lasting friendship versus the superficial sort. Put this inside a card and the subtext will tell the recipient, “I know you’d be the one to take the bus.”

I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”
Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends
My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.”
Garry Shandling
Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you — but I’m not going to.”

Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day

You can always trust Bill Murray to deliver some sarcastic quip — in and out of character. This one is a funny friendship quote to put in a card.

There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.”

Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (Maggie Smith),

Downton Abbey

I drink to make other people more interesting.”
Ernest Hemingway
Tasks
Poster, card-greeting
Topics
funny AND friend

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Funny love quotes.

Funny love quotes have many subcategories. You’ll find funny quotes about lost love, funny quotes about marriage, funny quotes about dating, and much more. Picking the best funny quote about love requires taking a moment to consider your audience, especially since these quotes are regularly put in cards.

Select the right quote about love and guarantee a barrel full of laughs. This handpicked selection of love-related quips has a lot of subtext, so be sure to read between the lines for sneaky double meanings.

Well, nobody’s perfect.”

Osgood Fielding III (Joe E. Brown), Some Like It Hot

This funny quote about love makes a sweet yet amusing statement about loving someone no matter what. This line comes after Jerry (aka Daphne) reveals that he’s not the woman that Osgood Fielding III fell in love with.

I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?”
Jean Illsley Clarke
I know.”

Han Solo (Harrison Ford), The Empire Strikes Back

Context is everything. This is Han Solo’s famous reply to Leia’s first utterance of “I love you” in The Empire Strikes Back. This cheeky response is fun to use anytime.

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.”
Will Ferrell
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
Rita Rudner
Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.”

Pauline Thomason

Imagine this cheeky quote about love placed in a card given to newlyweds.

Love is patient, love is kind, love means slowly losing your mind.”
Kevin (James Marsden), 27 Dresses
Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
Michael Scott (Steve Carell), The Office
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card-greeting
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funny AND love

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Funny family quotes.

One of the best ways to show love in some families is with humor inspired by the common tropes of family relationships. There are certain topics that are so common that they’ve become easy topics for truly hilarious quotes.

Browse these funny family quotes and imagine which would hit the right notes for specific family members when the next reunion comes up. The great thing about family is how easy it is to tease them.

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.”
Bob Hope
Everybody wants to save the earth. No one wants to help Mom do the dishes.”

P.J. O'Rourke

Most funny family quotes go well in cards, but this one is perfect for a poster for Mom.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.”
Rodney Dangerfield
As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”
Prince William
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”

George Burns

This funny family quote ends with a zinger and is perfect for the inside of cards sent to far-away family members.

I’m sure wherever my dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.”
Jack Whitehall
I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.”
Damien Fahey
When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”

Nora Ephron

This funny family quote is as good for parents as it is for dog owners.

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card-greeting
Topics
funny AND family, mother, dad, mom, sister, brother

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Funny birthday quotes.

Birthday greetings tend to be either funny or sappy. The funnier birthday messages tend to be the ones better remembered, though. The right funny birthday quote can be perfect for birthday cards of all kinds. Lots of the best focus on aging, so buckle up for some blunt but hilarious pokes at what happens when we get older.

Picture who would laugh loudest at each of these funny birthday quotes, then take your pick of the perfect one for the next birthday coming up.

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”
Lucille Ball
You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.”
Joan Rivers
You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse. “

Billy Arthur

This funny birthday quote is great for an audience in early adulthood. Imagine a card that simultaneously makes them laugh and also tells them, “it’s all on you, now.”

Please don't retouch my wrinkles. It took me so many birthdays to earn them.”
Anna Magnani
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.”

Chili Davis

This is an all-ages funny birthday quote that’s perfect in a card for the fun-loving among us.

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.”

Kurt Vonnegut

The thing about aging is that, as we do it, so does everyone else.

Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.”
Rita Mae Brown , Alma Mater
Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.”

Jack Benny

Use a cheeky birthday quote like this one to help someone older at a major birthday feel better about the milestone.

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card-greeting
Topics
funny AND birthday

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Funny work quotes.

Funny work quotes serve many purposes. A poster in a breakroom might poke fun at water cooler culture. A card given to a coworker might earn a laugh over a shared experience. A funny retirement quote might stretch across a banner at a party. There are times at work when laughter is all that can ease tension and add some fun back into the workday, too.

Funny quotes for work have some common themes that nearly anyone can relate to, including bosses, the weekend, and money. Take your pick of a funny work quote to lighten a lot of people’s loads.

The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.”

Oscar Wilde

This funny work quote is best given to peers. Coming from a boss, it could feel intimidating. Consider your audience when using any funny quote about work.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well. “
Mark Twain
Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.”
Don Herold
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”

Robin Williams

A lot of relatable themes around work include other lifestyle norm like commuting.

By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.”

Robert Frost

Use this funny work quote on a poster to give everyone a chuckle and provide some subtext for those extra-long days.

I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.”
Bill Gates
Employers are at their happiest on Mondays. Employees are at their happiest on Fridays.”
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: You wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.”

John Gotti

This funny work quote takes a jab at both the boss and the employee.

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card-greeting
Topics
funny AND work, retirement, coworker, job

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Funny motivational quotes.

Funny motivational quotes provide the best of two seemingly exclusive worlds: humor and feel-good motivation. Since humor is one of the best tools to make a message memorable, funny inspirational quotes can warm hearts and get people to keep going — but with a smile that sticks.

Wield a quote at the intersection of humor and motivation in a poster project, and wherever it’s displayed, it will brighten the day.

Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.”

Will Rogers

Peel back the layers of this funny motivational quote and you have a tool to kick complacency to the curb.

A diamond is just a lump of coal that did well under pressure.”

Unattributed

This motivational quote is great for a card. It reminds someone that there’s payout to enduring tough times.

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
Oscar Wilde
Trying is the first step toward failure.

Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

This funny motivational quote seems disheartening, but in its play on common sayings we’re forced to think about how we ever succeed — usually, by failing first.

There is one word that describes people that don't like me: Irrelevant.”
Unattributed
Don’t worry. If Plan A doesn’t work, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.”
Unattributed
When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’”

Don Marquis

A funny inspirational quote can strike some critical chords, too. Try this one on a poster and it will leave lasting impressions.

“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.”
Leslie Nielsen
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card-greeting
Topics
joke

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Funny sarcastic quotes.

What is a funny sarcastic quote? If you crack open the dictionary, you’ll see that sarcasm tends to be more aggressive while facetiousness is the playful, friendly version of the same. There are moments where a little sarcasm goes a long way, and often they’re the moments when a bit of boiling water is exactly what drives the point home.

Browse these funny sarcastic quotes to get several famous people’s takes on heavy topics, too, including everything from religion to ego.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.”
Oscar Wilde
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe.”
Albert Einstein
If you can’t laugh at yourself, I can help you out.”

Unattributed

This funny sarcastic quote adds extra zing if it’s divided in two in a greeting card. The front can feature the first half, then the card is opened to reveal the punchline.

In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him. “

Peterborough Examiner, Canada

Picture this quote on a poster at a pet shop.

A woman is like a tea bag: You can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
I never forget a face — but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”

Groucho Marx

Groucho was always good for a sarcastic jab that leaves you laughing.

Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane.”

Philip K. Dick

Imagine the visual that could accompany this funny sarcastic quote on a poster.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
Jack Handey
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card-greeting
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joke

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How to use funny quotes.

Funny quotes carry a lot more weight than it appears. The perfect funny quote can lighten the mood in the workplace, get a smile out of someone in a tough place, and make a bigger message much more memorable.

It’s important to use the right funny quotes, though. The first rule is to know your audience and how the funny quote will be delivered. Are you putting up a poster that to ring in laughs at the next family function? Are you giving a card to newlyweds?

The great thing about funny quotes is that they can each be tweaked. Change a word and make one your own. If it’s a famous quote, this twist makes for an even bigger impact when people think they know what’s coming... but something else sparks their laughter instead.

Here are some best practices when working with funny quotes:

Exercise: dial in delivery.

If you have a target audience who will see your funny quotes, picking the right quote is essential.

It’s also important to think about how the quote will be seen. Will it be broken into an intro and a punchline (like on the face and interior of a card)? Will it be blazed across a massive poster?

To dial in on the perfect quote, ask yourself: how do you want the audience to feel? You want them to laugh, but with what message lingering in the afterthought?

Drill down to the kind of humor you want to conjure, then find the best funny quote that fits it. If you’re unsure, run a few picks past an audience. See which one gets the biggest guffaw.

Adobe Express can help.

Adobe Express online editor has tons of free templates and quick and easy customization options to put your favorite funny quotes to work. If you want to play with funny quotes in cards, posters, or other creative projects, Adobe Express makes it as simple as picking a template and personalizing it, or making your own idea with easy-to-use tools. Whatever message you want to convey, Adobe Express brings it to life, no experience required.

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